PANIC'S NEW PRODUCT REVIEWS
featuring the twinrate® review system
TORENGOS
PINCH OF PEPPERJACK
Will: "The focus group who tested these must not have had taste buds -- possibly not even mouths. Awful."
Wade: "Pepperjack? I'm not sure how they can legally call it that. How about Styrojack?"
TORENGOS
SPLASH OF SALSA
Wade: "Unquestionably the nastiest of the bunch. Isn't even delicious as a concept. 100% tomato powder. Worst chip... ever."
Will: "In college Wade and I worked at a meat packing plant. When they made chili, it smelled exactly like this chip tastes. It also made me sick."
MINI OREO
CANDY CANE CREME
Will: "I've tasted this before, when it was called an 'Andes Mint'. No points for originality, but a winner if you like that sort of thing."
Wade: "Peppermint and Oreo? Sign me up!"
LAY'S TASTES OF AMERICA
WISCONSIN CHEDDAR
Wade: "Finally, a chip that lives up to its name. That is to say, cheese."
Will: "If you're into cheese favored chips -- not real cheese of course -- you'll like these."
LAY'S TASTES OF AMERICA
SAN ANTONIO SALSA
Will: "Salsa should only be combined with tortilla chips -- not potato chips. I'm writing my congressman to get this law passed."
Wade: "Salsa flavored chips? Unless you're infirm or scared of the sun, please, just buy some corn chips and salsa. "
HOSTESS CUP CAKES
APPLE SPICE
Will: "Why, man, why? 100% artificial stuff sucks, and this is absolutely no exception."
Wade: "I beg to differ, Will. Sure it's frightening, but still surprisingly good! I still prefer the original Hostess Cup Cake, though."
NESTLE CRUNCH
CARAMEL
Wade: "Caramel and chocolate: delicious. Warning: take in small quantities only."
Will: "A proven American classic + added caramel = guaranteed good. Nestle, really, what took you so long?"
KETTLE CHIPS
BURGUNDY WITH AGED CHEDDAR
Wade: "Reminds me of tree bark. I love nature, but not in my chips. Old-cheese-and-wine flavor? More like got-high-in-the-R&D-lab flavor."
Will: "If I wanted to eat something that tasted like cardboard, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I'd just eat cardboard."
We hope you enjoyed this exciting look at today's hottest new food products!
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